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3 years ago ::
May 17, 2009 - 8:53PM
#1
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In memory of the author, a friend of mine who passed away a while back...  QUOTE cubano67 "When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and cats are better than kids ...they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children."
QUOTE cubano67
Here's a toast to th' next old missus,
an' all th' gals that wants to kiss us........
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3 years ago ::
May 18, 2009 - 9:13AM
#2
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ROFL!! Reminds me of the time, years ago, my husband referred to my dog as a "dumb animal". As I hung up the phone, speaking with someone inquirying about his stud fee, I reminded my husband that the "dumb animal" got paid for services. Even rock stars only got money for nothing and their chicks for free.
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3 years ago ::
May 18, 2009 - 3:05PM
#3
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Hahahahaha I copied this and emaild to my hubby!!! I love it and thanks for posting it!!!
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3 years ago ::
May 19, 2009 - 9:25AM
#4
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Thanks for the laugh!!!!!
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3 years ago ::
May 19, 2009 - 12:24PM
#5
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This was the best and how very true. I will take my two cats over anyone and everything. I like the following. How true about the "fur" niture" so true. I think I will print this out and make a sign. To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and cats are better than kids ...they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children." 
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3 years ago ::
May 19, 2009 - 3:14PM
#6
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For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
QUOTE cubano67
I never shut the door to my bathroom unless I have company- its just me and the dogs- who cares? LOL>.......
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3 years ago ::
May 25, 2009 - 9:15AM
#7
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okay, did you say that kits are easier to train than people kids??? My Buddy would meow out loud at that one....tho I must admit that our kits have done a great job training us! They are wonderful to have sharing our home. We also shared it for many years with a sweet and loving canine person, losing her was extremely difficult. Buddy is our hockey player/alarm clock. He wakes up his family every morning by jumping on the dresser and 'hockeying' a few things off, then looking over to see if we woke yet. gotta love them
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